


A Precious Gift

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gift, Illumi is a clown fucker, M/M, bad gift, clown trash, fuck you hisoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 22:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4722851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illumi receives a nice present from Hisoka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Precious Gift

One lovely morning Illumi was just waking up. Under his pink polka dotted bedsheets he could still the bright rays of the sun. He tried to close his eyes again to ignore them, but it was a fruitless thing to do.

So he instead pulled the covers off only to be blinded by the light.

"THE SUN, IT BURNS MY EYES." he announced.

After suffering from ultraviolet ray damage to the eyes, Illumi climbed down the ladder of his bunk bed.

No, _their_ bunk bed.

The only problem was that the person on the bottom bed was.... gone?

"Hisoka?" Illumi asked. He pulled the covers off to see if Hisoka had tried to turn himself into a balloon animal again only to be met with nothing.

Nothing but a miniature Hisoka made of plush.

Illumi was sad. Where did Hisoka go?

"bae..." he said as he hugged the Hisoka plushie tightly, "You left me for work again..."

Illumi was going 2 cry.

Illumi was also wearing a pink onesie. It had a hood with bunny ears and a bunny tail. Illumi put the hood over his head as he cried gaily.

But then the lovely sound of a car crashing into a road sign came along and played with the ears of the onesied man.

"Hisoka!!" Illumi exclaimed and he threw the Hisoka plush away and looked out the window. It took a little to get used to the bright sunrays, but he did it. He peered out the window to see him.

It was him. His favorite clown-magician.

"bae" he said as he chewed on the paws of his onesie.

Hisoka crashed into the 'BUMP' sign on the street. Again.

It was the third time in a row for that week, and seventy four times he had crashed into a road sign in total.

The poor 'BUMP' sign had already been damaged, but now it completely split into two and fell over.

"Oh no he needs my help." Illumi said. He ran outside to help his babyboo.

"wassup mothafockaaaa" Hisoka said very romantically. It made Illumi's heart skip a beat.

"bae"

"HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAR OK?!?!?"

Hisoka had screamed. Illumi was surprised but it always happened, so he tried to help bae out of his new car.

New car. Hisoka had gone through many 'a cars. He fucking sucked at driving so it was normal. His Hunter License paid for all the shit anyway.

That particular day he was driving a Chevy.

"Chevies suck." Illumi stated.

Hisoka giggled.

"It's all just cheap aftermarket shit, you know?" Illumi asked his booboo.

Hisoka smiled, "don't give no fucks it helps me get to work anyway."

Illumi tugged on Hisoka's arm, but OH NO - he tugged to hard. Hisoka flew out of the driver's seat and into their new house's roof (this also happened often which is why they move into new houses often)

"Hisoka dear you're going to get us into more debt." Illumi frowned.

"bae its okay, we have Hunter Licenses" Hisoka reaffirmed even though his head was stuck in the interior of the roof with the rest of his body just literally hanging off of the house.

Illumii squealed. He loved Hisoka. He would fight anyone for Hisoka.

"Hisoka is my daddy" he thought.

Ignoring Hisoka's dangling ass, Illumi noticed something in the backseat. It was a small box and it was being secured by a seat belt.

"wats this??" Illumi asked.

Hisoka's head poppped out of the roof interior and he fell onto their lawn. He broke his assbone in the process.

"bae..." he said... "FUCKING HELP ME HERE!!"

"Hahaha oh right." Illumi replied and he quickly ran over to help poor ass Hisoka.

"Here's your crutches. Doctor Leorio told me to give them to you because you keep breaking your ass lately." Illumi said as he helped Hisoka into his crutches.

Hisoka hated crutches. "i hate dis"

"Bae, what's in the backseat?" Illumii finally asked. He was still wearing his bunny onesie.

Hisoka stood there for a good five minutes. He had to think about it.

"o that's a box" he answered.

"and what's in the box?"

"Killua Zoldyck."

.........

Suddenly, the atmosphere turned really gloomy; menacing, even. Illumi gave Hisoka the death stare and Hisoka waz like "btch ngga"

BUT THEN he said "lol im jk"

Illumi sighed. He was glad Killua wasn't in the box. Killua had eaten mayonnaise the night before....

~~~~flashbakc~~~~~

"Gon... what the fuckk is this?" Killua asked as he stared at his dinner.

Gon smiled sheepishly at Killua, "It's a fish sandwich. I made sure to put peppers in it, too, since you hate those."

Killua said "ok" and he ate the fish sandwich.

His stomach didn't feel good 7 seconds later.

He stared at Gon. "Why peppers tho?"

Gon smiled again. "Because love is deeper than most assholes."

Killua forced a smile as he started farting endlessly. He knew Gon had added mayonnaise to the sandwich. But with Gon's love, he didn't care. He could get through anything....

Even the grotesque trip to the bathroom he made.

~~~flashback owari~~~~

Illumi had already seen on what his shit lil bro had eaten for dinner on his instagram, SexyLilZoldyckBoi69. He saw the maynonaise.

Hisoka interrupted, "ok that's nice and all but i was just fucking kidding?"

illumi said "Oh."

Then he went back to their piece of crap Chevy and unbuckled the box. It wasn't Killua. Thank Yusuke Urameshi for that.

He and Hisoka proceeded to head inside their lovely house even though the roof was beginning to shatter. The interior consisted of white, green, and yellow polka dotted wall paper with a sky blue carpet. The french windows had pink curtains and the sofas were red. They had twelve plasma TVs to watch the Teletubbies in HD and they had this sexy little small kitchen attached to the living room.

There, now you know what their house looks like (Fucking LoL!!!)

Illumi placed the box on the kitchen island. Hisoka waited for him to open it.

Illumi took his time. The unopening of the box took about thirty minutes and Hisoka's ass hurt.

There was wrapping.

Illumi tore up the wrapping.

There was bubble wrap.

Hisoka toyed with the bubble wrap.

Then, finally, there was the gift...

Illumi pulled it out of the box and it expanded.

It was...

a.....

pair of yoga pants.

...  
...  
...

"HIsOKA WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" Illumi suddenly yelled. He wasn't used to this kind of mockery.

Hisoka replied, "bae, no. Don't be like that. I had to rob ten Carl's Jr's to get that."

Illumi became very pissed. His hair became MeDuSaA.

"HISOAKA!!!"

"NO BAE WAIT!"

"try them on first." Hisoka said.

Ilummi was very peeved but he decided to do that.

...  
...  
...

When Illumi stood in front of the mirror to see teh stupid pants, he was met with.....

....

A bubble butt.

"DAMN GURL YOU FINE" Hisoka screeched as he grabbed Illumi's butt.

ILLUMI SCREAMED " WHY DID YOU BUY ASS PADDED PANTS OMFG!!!"

Hisoka laughed like the clownfucker he is and added, "BUT it looks good."

"FUCK NO!" Illumi responded and he picked up the vacuum cleaner and bopped Hisoka on the head with it.

Hisoka cryed a little on the inside.

"Damn, you can't even take a fucking compliment??" he asked angrily.

"THIS SHIT IS MOCKERY." Illumi stated. " I TOOK OFF MY FUCKING RABBIT ONESIE FOR THIS SHIT??"

Hisoka said. "Eh fuck that that's so last year. You need to keep up with the trends. Yoga pants are where its at."

Illumi waz like "pfft yeah right" and he kicked Hisoka and Hisoka slipped over a bananana peel and he slid down the stairs and he kept falling and bumping his head, it hurt badly but he couldn't stop falling and bumping his head and then he fell into a black hole. Illumi had actually hit him with Blinky, Shizuku's vaccuum cleaner.

"finally, he's dead." Illumi said happily. He put the bunny onesie back on to celebrate.

His phone made a "pbpbpppbbbbbb BEEP BEEP!" sound like fuckin cars in TraFfIC.

He picked up his phone.

it said "Status update"

and inside there was a pickture.

He enlarged it like he used to do with Hisoka's penis pictures.

It was a photo of Killua, from behind, in yoga pants.

"OMFG.................." Illumi screamed.

Then tere was a gif of him twerkin.

"OH MY GODOOODODODOODDODO FUKCINEFDF EWOODSMFESIEWKBDF"

Illumi died.

The End.


End file.
